5 Months Ago - Week 21 (the last week)

Let me tell you a story. It starts with a girl who lives in a bubble. All her friends and family live close, and she's happy like that. About a year ago, she started to get anxious. Anxious to explore, to get out of her bubble. When I first applied to study abroad, I thought it would be simple. Go to France, stay with a family, work on my language skills and go home. Sounds simple enough. I was so wrong. I laugh now, thinking back on that. I can't believe I thought I'd be the same person who said a tearful goodbye to her mom on January 10th, 2015 when I step off the plane in the US on June 10th, 2015. Everything about studying abroad was so black and white to me then. My home was in the US, and France was just somewhere I was visiting for a bit. Now, I am torn in two. I never thought about the grey areas in the middle. All the friends I would make and the new love I would find in the form of my host family. How do you tell two 8-year-olds that you've become so attached to that this time, you're not coming back, at least not for a while? I am dreading June 9th, the day I have to say good bye to my host family, because they're not my host family anymore, but a real family. I can't really wrap my head around the fact that I won't be going back to St. Sauveur on Monday, and seeing my classmates. I won't be giving bises in the morning and thinking in French. It's still a thrilling feeling when I think in French. It gives such a feeling of satisfaction, you wouldn't even believe it unless you've experienced it first hand. 
I didn't think, before I came, that I would be sad to leave. I thought that I would be ready to go home and see my home and family and don't get me wrong, I am. I really can't wait to see my sister and dad for the first time in 5 months, but I definitely feel like I am leaving a part of me here in France as well. I'm leaving what, for the past 5 months, has been my home. It's crazy to think that, because I moved houses right before I came here, I have lived in my French home longer than my American one. I feel like a part of me will always be stuck in the middle, in the gray area. I will always be missing someplace or another. When I try to explain this to people, they all say the same thing: "You can always go back!" This is true. I'm not arguing. I'll be back as soon as possible. The thing is, it will never be the same. Yes, I can come back and see my friends and family, but I will never be 15 and studying abroad in France ever again. Every time I think, "Wow, I'd really like to be home right now", I contradict myself, saying that when I'm back and in my regular routine, I know I will miss the days when I would take the train to visit Conner in Rennes or when I would take off to explore the South of France with my friends or when I would sit around the dinner table, cracking jokes with my host family.
These are the things you don't think about when you leave for a study abroad. You don't think about the middle and then all the goodbyes you'll have to say that will break your heart over and over and over again. I know my experiences and memories from these 5 months in France will stay with me for my entire life.

Bises,

Cecilia

La classe 2nde6